


Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Cardiff any more Chapter 1

by Peregrin_Ionad



Category: Doctor Who and Torchwood crossover
Genre: Adventure, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-23
Updated: 2009-07-22
Packaged: 2017-10-25 20:09:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/274284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peregrin_Ionad/pseuds/Peregrin_Ionad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><b>A/n: Many thanks to Eira and alienstar07 for the beta! - my elements for the challenge were: Rose Tyler, experiencing technical difficulties and mystery. This (should) be a 3-part story.</b></p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **A/n: Many thanks to Eira and alienstar07 for the beta! - my elements for the challenge were: Rose Tyler, experiencing technical difficulties and mystery. This (should) be a 3-part story.**

**A/n: Many thanks to Eira and alienstar07 for the beta! - my elements for the challenge were: Rose Tyler, experiencing technical difficulties and mystery. This (should) be a 3-part story.**

Everything from the rift seemed to appear in warehouses these days, very often in the middle of the night. Whilst this meant that the clean-up operations were easier than alien tech landing slap-bang in the centre of Bute Park, they were usually wet, cold and dark.

Gwen Cooper cursed her new boots as she skidded on yet another patch of slime; they'd looked so good in the shop and the heels weren't _that_ high, but she was going to have to consign them to the _'not for work, not under any circumstances, not if you want them to last longer than a month or don't want to break your neck'_ side of the wardrobe. Meanwhile, Ianto was the first to reach the mystery object. He stood, gun trained on it and, honestly, feeling like a bit of an idiot. The item that had been flung through the Rift that evening was flat, circular, and plastic-looking, no bigger than his PDA and, for all it was covered in buttons, appeared to be broken.

Tosh, Jack, Owen and Gwen arrived soon after, all stopping suddenly next to Ianto. Guns at the ready, as Tosh scanned the disk.

"It doesn't seem to be functional; I would say it was damaged as it came through the Rift."

Jack peered down at the disk, which lay innocently in a puddle.

"I recognise it. It's a Casbyt, they're from the 39th Century, but they were pretty unreliable. Didn't take anyone where they really wanted to end up. People used to end up stuck in the most awkward situations with them. I remember this time when-"

"So it's safe to pick up, Jack?" Ianto interrupted.

"Sure," he nodded. "Pop it in an evidence bag and Tosh can have a fiddle with it later."

Ianto put away his gun and bent down to pick up the disk, but as his fingers closed around it, it flashed a series of colours. The last thing Ianto saw, before the floor jerked under his feet and he fell into darkness, were the horrified faces of the team.

When Ianto awoke he was still flat on his back on a freezing cold floor, but as he opened his eyes, he realised he wasn't in Cardiff anymore. At first, his vision was blurred, but slowly, the splodges of colour morphed into the shape of a blonde-haired woman, crouched next to his head. Gradually, she helped Ianto to sit up and as he took in his surroundings, he groaned, rather melodramatically – but Ianto felt he deserved a bit of drama. His head was pounding; his arms and legs ached; and it was looking increasingly like he wasn't even on _Earth_ anymore, never mind Cardiff.

 _'Broken_ ,' indeed!

 _'Non-functioning_ ,' really?

Between the two of them, Ianto expected Jack and Tosh to at least be able to work out if something was turned on, especially when Jack actually knew what it was. Unconsciously, he opened his clenched fist and the Casbyt (as Jack had called it) clattered onto the hard floor. The woman reached down to pick it up, and the movement broke Ianto out of his thoughts.

"Don't!" he said sharply, perhaps a little louder than he'd intended because she jumped to her feet and took a step backwards.

"Sorry," she muttered, and then knelt back down next to Ianto. "Wait; you spoke English, didn't you!"

She sounded excited and Ianto nodded warily, pulling himself to his feet and taking a better look at the girl and his surroundings. She too spoke English, albeit with a London accent, and wore jeans and a t-shirt that were definitely twenty-first century. Maybe he hadn't travelled as far as he thought. Although, she did seem surprised at their shared language.

He was, so it seemed, in a cell. It was similar to the Vaults in Torchwood, down to the glass wall for observation, although this glass was thicker and covered in bulky metal bars. He couldn't see any guards and so was wondering how he'd got there, (and, more pressingly, how he was going to get back out) when he realised he'd never introduced himself to his cell-mate.

"I'm Ianto Jones," he told her. "I'm from Cardiff. How did I get in here, wherever 'here' is?"

"Rose Tyler," the woman grinned and Ianto was unsure as to why her name rang a bell. Maybe he'd met someone with a similar name once or met somebody like her in London?

"Currently stuck in this prison cell, in the Tower of New London, on the planet of Delta Drei. They're keeping me in here as some kind of bargaining piece."

"A bargaining piece for what?" Ianto asked, intrigued.

"They want the Doctor to kill a dragon, apparently. Don't worry. He should be back any minute; in fact, I thought you were him 'cos you appeared right out of thin air ."

Ianto stared dumbly at her. Dragons! And...

"Did you say, 'The Doctor'?" he asked, sitting down heavily on the concrete bench that was set to one side of the cell.  
"Yeah," she grinned again, "do you know him?"

"Not directly, he's more the friend of a, uh, friend." It struck him suddenly, that was why he knew the name. Because the Rose Tyler who sat in front of him was the one who had given Jack his immortality. She looked a few years younger than Ianto's twenty-four, and he wondered if she'd met Jack yet.

Again Rose interrupted his musing. "How did you get here then? You said Cardiff? What year? 'Cos you don't look like you're from the future." In fact, Rose thought, he looked like he'd dropped straight out of Canary Wharf or some other business hub and if he hadn't been clutching that suspiciously alien device, she would have assumed that he had a sensible office job, a pretty wife, and 2.5 kids.

Ianto weighed up his options and decided the universe probably wasn't going to explode or implode if he answered her questions with as little information as possible, or maybe altered the truth a little.

"I am from Cardiff," he answered, "in 2008. I assume you're from London and from about the same time. I work in the Mayor's office as her P.A though I mainly do filing, paperwork, make coffee and arrange meetings. That thing on the floor was on the desk. I picked it up to examine it, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in this prison! Is this some kind of practical joke?" He hoped she bought it. Really, there was no reason for her not to. Ianto had become a proficient liar whilst working for Torchwood – both through administering Retcon and, of course, through hiding Lisa.

She seemed to buy it because she looked at him and said, "So now you know the universe is bigger than you'd ever thought."

"Well," Ianto laughed, "you know I haven't actually seen any aliens yet."

"What about your friend?" she asked "the one who knows The Doctor. Didn't they tell you about what's out there?"

Ianto swore inwardly. He'd forgotten he'd said that. But, it felt like a heavy metal band had taken up residence in his skull, and he really couldn't be bothered making anything else up. Anyway, Jack was a common enough name, especially as Rose hadn't met him yet. She wouldn't know him from Adam, and nothing further would need to be said.

"Oh no," he smiled, "Jack's rather secretive when the mood takes him."

"Jack?" she asked "as in 'Captain Jack Harkness'?" She did a rather good impression of Jack's accent, along with an excellent version of the Harkness-1000-watt–grin.

Ianto nodded. "Yeah, he does make rather the impression. I assume you've met."

"A while ago," Rose sighed. "He didn't stay with us that long."

'Before you and your precious Doctor abandoned him straight after bringing him back to life,' Ianto thought cruelly, before realising how sad she looked.

"Well, he can be flighty," Ianto lied, thinking of all the years Jack had waited for The Doctor, but was glad he did as she smiled again.

They sat in silence for a short while. Ianto tried to calm his thoughts down with the most mundane things he could, unfortunately, working at Torchwood meant they weren't really mundane at all and all that meant was he was thinking more and more about being trapped in a prison on an alien planet with no idea of how to get home. If that wasn't weird enough, he was sitting in companionable silence with the girl who, by accident, had brought his lover permanently back to life.

In the end, he settled on mentally going through his shopping list. This calmed him down until he realised he needed to buy cat food and who would feed the cat if he didn't get back that night? Jack, he hoped, although he doubted it. Jack and the rest of the team would be far too busy with the fact that Ianto had vanished into thin air to worry about the cat only Jack actually knew he owned.

"Do you reckon in the future they'll have devices that mean you can feed your cat whilst you're on holiday?" he asked Rose suddenly. She looked at him and he smiled (at least he hoped it was a smile, it felt more like a grimace). "I haven't fed my cat," he clarified and she beamed at him, _probably glad of something to talk about_ , he thought.

"Oh, I had a cat once, but then all the strays started coming in off the estate, so we had to nail the cat flap shut," Rose laughed, and Ianto joined in. Her giggle was infectious.

Then, without warning, both the glass and cage doors sprung open, and a man dashed inside. He was wearing a suit, and to Ianto's amazement, a pair of converse trainers. Rose leapt to her feet and cried, "Doctor!"

Ianto only had time to feel mildly annoyed that The Doctor was better looking than he expected before he found himself seized by the hand and dragged into a sprint down a series of tight corridors, all with identical glass-fronted cells. Suddenly they stopped short, directly in front of a small blue police box. Rose tugged him inside as The Doctor raced to the controls and began wrenching controls and prodding various buttons, until a whirring, whooshing, noise started and the floor jerked sharply beneath Ianto's feet.

Whilst Ianto was examining the inside of the TARDIS, The Doctor took the opportunity to scan him surreptitiously with the Sonic Screwdriver. Frowning, he pulled Rose to one side to where Ianto couldn't hear them.

"What did he tell you about himself?" he asked her, gesturing to Ianto, "How did he get here?"

"Ianto Jones," she answered "Human, from Cardiff, apparently works for the mayor."

"New Cardiff?" the Doctor asked "or New New Cardiff? Or even New New New New Cardiff?"

"No, Cardiff, Earth, 2008. You mean there's really a New New New New Cardiff? How many Cardiff's do they need?" she laughed, and then remembered the alien device. "Wait, he had some disk that brought him here, but he wouldn't let me touch it. He said he'd just found it lying on a desk. Is he an alien then? He doesn't seem like one."

The Doctor shook his head. "Nope, he's definitely human. Three alien Mayors in a row", he grinned, "Only in Cardiff! Does he still have the disk?" he enquired. Rose could tell he was itching to get his hands on it, but she shook her head.

"No, it was on the floor, and neither of us thought to pick it up before we ran."

The Doctor scanned Ianto again. "But he's armed" he said, almost sadly, as if Ianto was a new toy that had come without batteries. "And he's covered in pheromones, fifty-first century by the look of them. See if you can find out anything more... No, wait, I'll do it."

"Ianto Jones!" he called across the Tardis. The young man looked sheepishly towards him, his hand resting on one of the controls. The Doctor bounded over to him and stuck out his hand for Ianto to shake, which the young man did, albeit slightly hesitantly.

"I don't believe we've been properly introduced, Sir, although I do know..."

"The Doctor," he interrupted Ianto, "It seems you're more familiar with me than I am with you. Have we met?"

"No, and we won't in the future, at least as far as I know, so I would say we're safe from paradoxes and the like, Sir," Ianto replied

"Paradoxes?" the Doctor frowned "How do you know about them? And come to think of it, why would someone who works for the council possess not one, but two guns?"

"Ah." Ianto sighed "Well, 'Back to the Future' can be incredibly educational, and you know those council meetings can get rather... intense..." he trailed off. "You aren't buying any of this are you?"

"Not a word, so tell us the truth, Ianto Jones, what are you really doing here?"

Ianto spared a glance at Rose before answering, and wished that he hadn't lied to her.  
"I am who I said I am, and from Cardiff, but I don't work for the Mayor or the Council. I work for an organisation which monitors Alien activity."

"UNIT?" the Doctor interrupted.

"No, Torchwood. I can't tell you much about it because... well... you know, paradoxes and everything, but Torchwood was formed in the eighteen-hundreds by Queen Victoria for the purpose of protecting the British Empire from the threat of ... well... the Doctor."

The Doctor sighed, "I suppose this is the moment where you pull a gun on me. You're all like that, shoot first, and ask questions later!"

Ianto shook his head. "I have a... friend who wouldn't be at all pleased at me threatening you, sir."  
"Oh?" the Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"He knows Jack," Rose leapt in before Ianto could even open his mouth. The Doctor gave Ianto an odd little look before turning to face Rose, his wide grin back in place.

"Well" he said, waving his sonic screwdriver once again in Ianto's direction, "that explains the 51st Century pheromones although, I'd say you must spend rather a lot of time together." He wiggled his eyebrows and Ianto wondered if he'd been spending far too much time around Jack, or if the Doctor was trying to look suggestive. Then he wondered why everyone kept trying to start conversations about Jack with him this week (Gwen had twice today already, backed up by Tosh), and he didn't know what they expected him to say, though he was pretty certain they wanted a bit of scandal.

The he realised that both Rose and the Doctor were waiting for him to reply, so he stuttered out something about them working together, and then closed his eyes, running a hand through his hair. His headache was back with a vengeance, and he felt dead on his feet. He just wanted to be home, either at his flat or at the Hub (which made him consider for a moment exactly when he'd started thinking of the Hub as a second home), with a plate of spaghetti bolognaise and, Rift willing, some late night TV, curled up on the sofa with Jack. Hell, he'd even settle for a tuna mayonnaise sandwich and a quick kiss over a cup of coffee in Jack's office if he could just get back.

He opened his eyes again to find the Doctor and Rose still standing in front of him. He sighed and sat down slowly, he didn't know why, but for a second, before reopening his eyes, he'd imagined it was all a weird dream.

"Can you take me home?" he asked, as his stomach twisted itself into knots, dreading a negative answer.

"Of course!" the Doctor answered "right back to the second you vanished. I'm not a Time Lord for nothing, you know!"

This cheered Ianto up immensely, until he heard the Doctor's next words. "But are you sure you wouldn't like to come on a trip with us first? We could go anywhere you want."

Ianto shook his head, mutely, and watched the Time Lord bounce over to the controls and start pulling levers again, he never seemed to lose the boundless energy he radiated, and Ianto wished he could have some as it, as the TARDIS began to shake.

 _To be continued_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _**A/N: You will recognise a good deal of this chapter already, so I'm sorry for the confusion, but I was writing the next chapter, and it just seemed to fade off into nothing, because yes what was happening was slightly strange, but in the end it wasn't *evil* or anything…  
>  Then I was saying something to someone, I'm not sure who it was… but if you remember having the conversation do shout up! And they asked would Time-Agent-Jack make an appearance. Et voila, the plot bunnies came alive.** _

**A/n: Many thanks to Eira and alienstar07 for the beta! - my elements for the challenge were: Rose Tyler, experiencing technical difficulties and mystery. This (should) be a 3-part story.**

Everything from the rift seemed to appear in warehouses these days, very often in the middle of the night. Whilst this meant that the clean-up operations were easier than alien tech landing slap-bang in the centre of Bute Park, they were usually wet, cold and dark.

Gwen Cooper cursed her new boots as she skidded on yet another patch of slime; they'd looked so good in the shop and the heels weren't _that_ high, but she was going to have to consign them to the _'not for work, not under any circumstances, not if you want them to last longer than a month or don't want to break your neck'_ side of the wardrobe. Meanwhile, Ianto was the first to reach the mystery object. He stood, gun trained on it and, honestly, feeling like a bit of an idiot. The item that had been flung through the Rift that evening was flat, circular, and plastic-looking, no bigger than his PDA and, for all it was covered in buttons, appeared to be broken.

Tosh, Jack, Owen and Gwen arrived soon after, all stopping suddenly next to Ianto. Guns at the ready, as Tosh scanned the disk.

"It doesn't seem to be functional; I would say it was damaged as it came through the Rift."

Jack peered down at the disk, which lay innocently in a puddle.

"I recognise it. It's a Casbyt, they're from the 39th Century, but they were pretty unreliable. Didn't take anyone where they really wanted to end up. People used to end up stuck in the most awkward situations with them. I remember this time when-"

"So it's safe to pick up, Jack?" Ianto interrupted.

"Sure," he nodded. "Pop it in an evidence bag and Tosh can have a fiddle with it later."

Ianto put away his gun and bent down to pick up the disk, but as his fingers closed around it, it flashed a series of colours. The last thing Ianto saw, before the floor jerked under his feet and he fell into darkness, were the horrified faces of the team.

When Ianto awoke he was still flat on his back on a freezing cold floor, but as he opened his eyes, he realised he wasn't in Cardiff anymore. At first, his vision was blurred, but slowly, the splodges of colour morphed into the shape of a blonde-haired woman, crouched next to his head. Gradually, she helped Ianto to sit up and as he took in his surroundings, he groaned, rather melodramatically – but Ianto felt he deserved a bit of drama. His head was pounding; his arms and legs ached; and it was looking increasingly like he wasn't even on _Earth_ anymore, never mind Cardiff.

 _'Broken_ ,' indeed!

 _'Non-functioning_ ,' really?

Between the two of them, Ianto expected Jack and Tosh to at least be able to work out if something was turned on, especially when Jack actually knew what it was. Unconsciously, he opened his clenched fist and the Casbyt (as Jack had called it) clattered onto the hard floor. The woman reached down to pick it up, and the movement broke Ianto out of his thoughts.

"Don't!" he said sharply, perhaps a little louder than he'd intended because she jumped to her feet and took a step backwards.

"Sorry," she muttered, and then knelt back down next to Ianto. "Wait; you spoke English, didn't you!"

She sounded excited and Ianto nodded warily, pulling himself to his feet and taking a better look at the girl and his surroundings. She too spoke English, albeit with a London accent, and wore jeans and a t-shirt that were definitely twenty-first century. Maybe he hadn't travelled as far as he thought. Although, she did seem surprised at their shared language.

He was, so it seemed, in a cell. It was similar to the Vaults in Torchwood, down to the glass wall for observation, although this glass was thicker and covered in bulky metal bars. He couldn't see any guards and so was wondering how he'd got there, (and, more pressingly, how he was going to get back out) when he realised he'd never introduced himself to his cell-mate.

"I'm Ianto Jones," he told her. "I'm from Cardiff. How did I get in here, wherever 'here' is?"

"Rose Tyler," the woman grinned and Ianto was unsure as to why her name rang a bell. Maybe he'd met someone with a similar name once or met somebody like her in London?

"Currently stuck in this prison cell, in the Tower of New London, on the planet of Delta Drei. They're keeping me in here as some kind of bargaining piece."

"A bargaining piece for what?" Ianto asked, intrigued.

"They want the Doctor to kill a dragon, apparently. Don't worry. He should be back any minute; in fact, I thought you were him 'cos you appeared right out of thin air ."

Ianto stared dumbly at her. Dragons! And...

"Did you say, 'The Doctor'?" he asked, sitting down heavily on the concrete bench that was set to one side of the cell.  
"Yeah," she grinned again, "do you know him?"

"Not directly, he's more the friend of a, uh, friend." It struck him suddenly, that was why he knew the name. Because the Rose Tyler who sat in front of him was the one who had given Jack his immortality. She looked a few years younger than Ianto's twenty-four, and he wondered if she'd met Jack yet.

Again Rose interrupted his musing. "How did you get here then? You said Cardiff? What year? 'Cos you don't look like you're from the future." In fact, Rose thought, he looked like he'd dropped straight out of Canary Wharf or some other business hub and if he hadn't been clutching that suspiciously alien device, she would have assumed that he had a sensible office job, a pretty wife, and 2.5 kids.

Ianto weighed up his options and decided the universe probably wasn't going to explode or implode if he answered her questions with as little information as possible, or maybe altered the truth a little.

"I am from Cardiff," he answered, "in 2008. I assume you're from London and from about the same time. I work in the Mayor's office as her P.A though I mainly do filing, paperwork, make coffee and arrange meetings. That thing on the floor was on the desk. I picked it up to examine it, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in this prison! Is this some kind of practical joke?" He hoped she bought it. Really, there was no reason for her not to. Ianto had become a proficient liar whilst working for Torchwood – both through administering Retcon and, of course, through hiding Lisa.

She seemed to buy it because she looked at him and said, "So now you know the universe is bigger than you'd ever thought."

"Well," Ianto laughed, "you know I haven't actually seen any aliens yet."

"What about your friend?" she asked "the one who knows The Doctor. Didn't they tell you about what's out there?"

Ianto swore inwardly. He'd forgotten he'd said that. But, it felt like a heavy metal band had taken up residence in his skull, and he really couldn't be bothered making anything else up. Anyway, Jack was a common enough name, especially as Rose hadn't met him yet. She wouldn't know him from Adam, and nothing further would need to be said.

"Oh no," he smiled, "Jack's rather secretive when the mood takes him."

"Jack?" she asked "as in 'Captain Jack Harkness'?" She did a rather good impression of Jack's accent, along with an excellent version of the Harkness-1000-watt–grin.

Ianto nodded. "Yeah, he does make rather the impression. I assume you've met."

"A while ago," Rose sighed. "He didn't stay with us that long."

'Before you and your precious Doctor abandoned him straight after bringing him back to life,' Ianto thought cruelly, before realising how sad she looked.

"Well, he can be flighty," Ianto lied, thinking of all the years Jack had waited for The Doctor, but was glad he did as she smiled again.

They sat in silence for a short while. Ianto tried to calm his thoughts down with the most mundane things he could, unfortunately, working at Torchwood meant they weren't really mundane at all and all that meant was he was thinking more and more about being trapped in a prison on an alien planet with no idea of how to get home. If that wasn't weird enough, he was sitting in companionable silence with the girl who, by accident, had brought his lover permanently back to life.

In the end, he settled on mentally going through his shopping list. This calmed him down until he realised he needed to buy cat food and who would feed the cat if he didn't get back that night? Jack, he hoped, although he doubted it. Jack and the rest of the team would be far too busy with the fact that Ianto had vanished into thin air to worry about the cat only Jack actually knew he owned.

"Do you reckon in the future they'll have devices that mean you can feed your cat whilst you're on holiday?" he asked Rose suddenly. She looked at him and he smiled (at least he hoped it was a smile, it felt more like a grimace). "I haven't fed my cat," he clarified and she beamed at him, _probably glad of something to talk about_ , he thought.

"Oh, I had a cat once, but then all the strays started coming in off the estate, so we had to nail the cat flap shut," Rose laughed, and Ianto joined in. Her giggle was infectious.

Then, without warning, both the glass and cage doors sprung open, and a man dashed inside. He was wearing a suit, and to Ianto's amazement, a pair of converse trainers. Rose leapt to her feet and cried, "Doctor!"

Ianto only had time to feel mildly annoyed that The Doctor was better looking than he expected before he found himself seized by the hand and dragged into a sprint down a series of tight corridors, all with identical glass-fronted cells. Suddenly they stopped short, directly in front of a small blue police box. Rose tugged him inside as The Doctor raced to the controls and began wrenching controls and prodding various buttons, until a whirring, whooshing, noise started and the floor jerked sharply beneath Ianto's feet.

Whilst Ianto was examining the inside of the TARDIS, The Doctor took the opportunity to scan him surreptitiously with the Sonic Screwdriver. Frowning, he pulled Rose to one side to where Ianto couldn't hear them.

"What did he tell you about himself?" he asked her, gesturing to Ianto, "How did he get here?"

"Ianto Jones," she answered "Human, from Cardiff, apparently works for the mayor."

"New Cardiff?" the Doctor asked "or New New Cardiff? Or even New New New New Cardiff?"

"No, Cardiff, Earth, 2008. You mean there's really a New New New New Cardiff? How many Cardiff's do they need?" she laughed, and then remembered the alien device. "Wait, he had some disk that brought him here, but he wouldn't let me touch it. He said he'd just found it lying on a desk. Is he an alien then? He doesn't seem like one."

The Doctor shook his head. "Nope, he's definitely human. Three alien Mayors in a row", he grinned, "Only in Cardiff! Does he still have the disk?" he enquired. Rose could tell he was itching to get his hands on it, but she shook her head.

"No, it was on the floor, and neither of us thought to pick it up before we ran."

The Doctor scanned Ianto again. "But he's armed" he said, almost sadly, as if Ianto was a new toy that had come without batteries. "And he's covered in pheromones, fifty-first century by the look of them. See if you can find out anything more... No, wait, I'll do it."

"Ianto Jones!" he called across the Tardis. The young man looked sheepishly towards him, his hand resting on one of the controls. The Doctor bounded over to him and stuck out his hand for Ianto to shake, which the young man did, albeit slightly hesitantly.

"I don't believe we've been properly introduced, Sir, although I do know..."

"The Doctor," he interrupted Ianto, "It seems you're more familiar with me than I am with you. Have we met?"

"No, and we won't in the future, at least as far as I know, so I would say we're safe from paradoxes and the like, Sir," Ianto replied

"Paradoxes?" the Doctor frowned "How do you know about them? And come to think of it, why would someone who works for the council possess not one, but two guns?"

"Ah." Ianto sighed "Well, 'Back to the Future' can be incredibly educational, and you know those council meetings can get rather... intense..." he trailed off. "You aren't buying any of this are you?"

"Not a word, so tell us the truth, Ianto Jones, what are you really doing here?"

Ianto spared a glance at Rose before answering, and wished that he hadn't lied to her.  
"I am who I said I am, and from Cardiff, but I don't work for the Mayor or the Council. I work for an organisation which monitors Alien activity."

"UNIT?" the Doctor interrupted.

"No, Torchwood. I can't tell you much about it because... well... you know, paradoxes and everything, but Torchwood was formed in the eighteen-hundreds by Queen Victoria for the purpose of protecting the British Empire from the threat of ... well... the Doctor."

The Doctor sighed, "I suppose this is the moment where you pull a gun on me. You're all like that, shoot first, and ask questions later!"

Ianto shook his head. "I have a... friend who wouldn't be at all pleased at me threatening you, sir."  
"Oh?" the Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"He knows Jack," Rose leapt in before Ianto could even open his mouth. The Doctor gave Ianto an odd little look before turning to face Rose, his wide grin back in place.

"Well" he said, waving his sonic screwdriver once again in Ianto's direction, "that explains the 51st Century pheromones although, I'd say you must spend rather a lot of time together." He wiggled his eyebrows and Ianto wondered if he'd been spending far too much time around Jack, or if the Doctor was trying to look suggestive. Then he wondered why everyone kept trying to start conversations about Jack with him this week (Gwen had twice today already, backed up by Tosh), and he didn't know what they expected him to say, though he was pretty certain they wanted a bit of scandal.

The he realised that both Rose and the Doctor were waiting for him to reply, so he stuttered out something about them working together, and then closed his eyes, running a hand through his hair. His headache was back with a vengeance, and he felt dead on his feet. He just wanted to be home, either at his flat or at the Hub (which made him consider for a moment exactly when he'd started thinking of the Hub as a second home), with a plate of spaghetti bolognaise and, Rift willing, some late night TV, curled up on the sofa with Jack. Hell, he'd even settle for a tuna mayonnaise sandwich and a quick kiss over a cup of coffee in Jack's office if he could just get back.

He opened his eyes again to find the Doctor and Rose still standing in front of him. He sighed and sat down slowly, he didn't know why, but for a second, before reopening his eyes, he'd imagined it was all a weird dream.

"Can you take me home?" he asked, as his stomach twisted itself into knots, dreading a negative answer.

"Of course!" the Doctor answered "right back to the second you vanished. I'm not a Time Lord for nothing, you know!"

This cheered Ianto up immensely, until he heard the Doctor's next words. "But are you sure you wouldn't like to come on a trip with us first? We could go anywhere you want."

Ianto shook his head, mutely, and watched the Time Lord bounce over to the controls and start pulling levers again, he never seemed to lose the boundless energy he radiated, and Ianto wished he could have some as it, as the TARDIS began to shake.

 _To be continued_


	3. Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Cardiff any more Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N: Wow, it's been a while, I'll admit! and I never meant it to be, so I apologise. I also apologise for the lenth of the chapter, but will try and write another within the week. I've been insanely busy, but it's all calming down now (although, much to my regret, I'm having to give nano a miss) anyway, enough about me! (oh and excuse the weird tense shift!) And thank you to all who have read, reviewed, alerted and favourited, it really does mean a lot!  
> **

**A/N: Wow, it's been a while, I'll admit! and I never meant it to be, so I apologise. I also apologise for the lenth of the chapter, but will try and write another within the week. I've been insanely busy, but it's all calming down now (although, much to my regret, I'm having to give nano a miss) anyway, enough about me! (oh and excuse the weird tense shift!) And thank you to all who have read, reviewed, alerted and favourited, it really does mean a lot!  
**

 **(Disclaimer: I don't own a single thing, not at all, which saddens me greatly!)**

"Come on, Ianto." says the Time lord quietly, before Rose could air her disbelief at seeing Jack. "It's getting late; we'd better be heading off." He turns to go back around the corner to the Tardis, and has taken several steps before Jack speaks.

"Not sticking around then? 'Cos you know I'll make you a better offer than I would any other traveller today, Eye candy"

Ianto stops suddenly, not quite daring to look at anyone. His mouth quirks and Rose thinks for one awful moment that he is about to cry, but Ianto merely sighs and sets his face back into an emotionless mask.

The Doctor turns and takes a few steps back towards Jack, Rose and Ianto. It's growing dark and he really doesn't want to get involved, knows the dangers of crossing timelines far too well, but there's something different. He can't feel the tug of time shifting, trying to compensate for the confusion and he wants to be convinced that what the Time Agent is selling is at least safe, if not entirely legal.

It's usually a Thursday morning when everything goes to shit. Because Thursdays are quiet and inconspicuous, they lurk around and no one remembers Thursdays.  
Rhiannon is convinced the world will end on a Wednesday, but Ianto knows she's wrong because Wednesdays are too obvious, too straight in the middle and they stick out too much. No one suspects Thursdays, and anyway, he's got more experience (Although, to be honest, he'd quite like the world to end on a Sunday, just to be ironic, and with plenty of fire and brimstone if you please.)  
Sunday is lie-in day, when no one wants to invade (and Ianto often wonders if they are respecting tradition or if Sunday's their lie-in day too) It is the day for alien IPods, for toys and games of Galactican Battleships. It's the day that everyone orders out something different, just as a treat – but Ianto isn't nearly as fond of takeaways as everyone else (although Jack doesn't believe him), so on Sundays he has soup or sandwiches, or salad (the alliteration of which amuses Gwen no end.)  
So he is mildly surprised to work out that it isn't a Thursday, but more likely a Tuesday (or whatever the days are called in Ancient Greek)

He knows he's been quiet for a while now, and is surprised that Rose isn't asking him what's wrong (although he has a sneaking suspicion she feels almost the same way, because she's met Jack before as well) but he doesn't want to look up, to draw attention to himself, because _Jack's_ there and as weird as it is Ianto suspects that Jack has similar qualities to a bad penny and he probably should have expected him to turn up sooner or later.  
And he _was_ 'A Jack', not 'Captain Jack Harkness' admittedly, no flash coat or period outfit, but still the same 1000 kilowatt smile, same hair even. Ianto had wondered for a long while if 'Jack' was really his name and now he had the proof. It makes him feel better, weirdly, that however many thousands of years in the past he is, he's managed to find the answer to one of his many questions.

Tosh was the first to move, scrambling on the filthy concrete floor for her scanner – which had slipped from her fingers as Ianto vanished.  
Slowly the rest of the team shook themselves out of their collective daze.

"Where's he gone? Was it the rift?" Gwen asked frantically, as Tosh scanned for rift activity.

"No" Jack answered before Tosh could, fists clenched at his side. "It wasn't broken, he's gone, and we'll never know where he ended up"

"But, can't Tosh trace it?" said Gwen "Just tell her the co ordinates or something, or search for it with your wristband. There must be something you can do; you can't just leave him like that!"

"That's why they were so popular, unreliable but untraceable. We can't…"

" _Can't_ isn't in my dictionary, Jack Harkness" Gwen interrupted "We'll get Ianto back, you'll see!"

 _to be continued, I promise!_


	4. Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Cardiff any more Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Edited: 05/10/10. Not a new chapter, that's tomorrow evening, just a paragraph added and better punctuation throughout (I hope).**

**Edited: 05/10/10. Not a new chapter, that's tomorrow evening, just a paragraph added and better punctuation throughout (I hope).**

"Why don't you just come along and see, before you make up your minds?" Jack suggested. "You might have to use different name next time you introduce yourselves to random strangers in the street, though. Not that you don't have a gorgeous name." he added, "But it's a little outta place in this time period." He thought for a moment before suggesting Lysander.  
Ianto raised an eyebrow.  
"Isn't he a character from Shakespeare?"  
Jack shrugged.  
"At least you'll remember it." He said, then turned to Rose "And you, what about Helen for you?"  
Rose grinned, pleased to have been named for the beautiful queen.  
"Let me guess" said Ianto "You'd be Paris." He didn't mean to so forward but he'd made the connection.  
Laughing, Jack replied "Alexandros actually, unless you'd prefer-"  
"-And I'll be fine with the Doctor" The Doctor interrupted and for some reason Jack did not complain.  
"Now if you' folks'll follow me" He said "I'll show you what I'm selling".

"The Acropolis" Ianto spluttered, as they stood before the temple, "you're selling the Acropolis"  
Jack had the grace to look slightly ashamed before confirming that yes indeed he was and that he had "plenty of other interested customers already, so if you don't fancy something this big…" he paused dramatically, letting them complete the sentence themselves, but not without a carefully quirked eyebrow, which cemented in Ianto's mind the certainty that this was _his_ Jack, no doubt about it.

But the Doctor wasn't having any of it. He and Rose had been conned by Jack before and, now there was no danger of another Chula ambulance or allegedly 'broken' alien tech, he was quite happy to leave the Time Agent to his harmless, if not entirely legal, business.

"So you sell it to some unsuspecting 'tourist' and then what?" the Doctor asked  
"Then we go out, celebrate their purchase with some excellent wine and the next morning when they wake up I'm gone, as is their money, their ship and the fake title deeds for this magnificent building. I need the money, that's all. And you have to admit, it's a good con" Jack looked at each of them in turn, they obviously didn't agree. Ianto looked especially displeased.  
Jack sighed.  
"Look, eye-candy. Just 'cos a pretty boy in a suit tells me that I can't do something, doesn't mean that I ain't gonna do it. A man's gotta live. We don't all get free, no-strings, trips across the cosmos."  
Suddenly his eyes lit up.  
"Tell you what, Jones." he said. "You give me a ride and I'll leave this sale where it is."  
Ianto looked from Jack to the Doctor and back again. Rose did the same and as she did so she though that they might as well take Jack with them. It would be nice to have a familiar face onboard the TARDIS, even if his smile and charm were aimed at her as a stranger, rather than a friend.  
"What about your other interested buyers?" She asked.  
Jack looked at her.  
"They don't exist, it's just a line to lure buyers in."  
"Right." She said, looking at Ianto and the Doctor, trying to decide if they would take Jack on his word or leave him to con innocent travellers. The Doctor didn't look happy. Rose could practically see the cogs whirring inside his head.  
Ianto was also watching the Doctor. He could bet with relative ease that most of his thoughts contained the word _'timelines'_. If working for Torchwood had taught Ianto Jones one thing beyond ' _don't open the rift_ ' and an uncanny ability to guess how people took their coffee, it was that if you never, ever messed with timelines, not unless you wanted to have never existed.  
But the Doctor suprised them, and Jack too, judging by the look on his face:  
"Come on then." The Doctor said. "If we want to leave before dark we'd better set off now, it's a long way back down to the TARDIS" He turned to Jack. "And don't think just because I'm letting you come with us means that I trust you. Ianto is going to watch you from now until you leave us and if he suspects you of anything..."  
Jack looked at Ianto and grinned.  
"He can watch me as much as he pleases" he said, making Ianto blush a terrible shade of pink that wouldn't look out of place at an eight year old girls' princess party.

 _Back in Cardiff_

As soon as they had got back to the Hub Jack had vanished into the archives to find any other mention of the device whilst Tosh and the others searched the CCTV of the warehouse for clues. Admittedly Jack could have found the information just as easily from the computer in his office but if he was honest with himself he just wanted a bit of space.  
Now it had been two full days since Ianto's disappearance and, to the knowledge of the others, Jack hadn't re-appeared from the Archives. Gwen was running search after search of the database for any mention of the Casbyt but she'd found nothing so far.

They hadn't had any rift alerts and Tosh predicted only a few minor blips over the next few days. Even Owen was willing to help in the search for Ianto, until the others politely reminded him that he had a large pile of alien-dwarf-squids to autopsy which were beginning to smell rather repulsive.  
It was early Wednesday morning when Gwen ventured down to find Jack. She was exhausted and all their current searches wouldn't come into fruition for a good few hours. She found him, head down and fast asleep, in amongst a mound of files on the desk. So much for not sleeping, she thought as she shook him awake. He woke up sharply, Ianto's name on his lips before he even realised what he was saying. Gwen shook her head sadly and asked if he would come up the main part of the Hub because she was sending Tosh home for a few hours sleep and they needed to be sure someone would hear the rift alert. He shook his head, telling her he had his wrist-strap wired up to the rift alerts and that he would keep searching down here. So she left him, thinking sadly as she did so that it was very unlikely he would find anything of any use. But she knew she'd do the same to save Rhys, if she had convinced herself that it would help, just as she'd opened the rift to save him.  
She made her way back up to her desk and sat on her chair, head in her hands, hoping against hope that Ianto would find a way to get back to them. If the device took him one way, maybe he could find someone who could fix it, make it bring him back. He was good at mending things, good at finding ways and means, at seeing possibilities that other people had never even thought of. If anyone could get back to them, she was sure Ianto could.


	5. Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Cardiff any more Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack was fascinated with the Tardis. He bounded around it, peering into every nook and cranny like they contained the secrets of the universe, which, Ianto thought, it being the Tardis meant they probably did.

Jack was fascinated with the Tardis. He bounded around it, peering into every nook and cranny like they contained the secrets of the universe, which, Ianto thought, it being the Tardis meant they probably did.

Rose and Ianto were less enthusiastic, however. They were on edge, terrified of mentioning something, of revealing Jack's future. The Doctor seeming rather oblivious to the growing tension, insisting on taking the 'scenic' route as if they were all on a jolly summer holiday and had no cares in the world. Certainly the diversion had been worth it - it wasn't everyday you got the see the creation of a brand new galaxy - but Ianto knew he would have appreciated it more had it not been for Jack. It was hard to think of him as Jack, he wasn't Ianto's Jack - this man was colder and Ianto wondered what had changed him, whether it was really meeting the Doctor, or just the years of immortality he had been cursed with.

They dropped Jack off, eventually, and then the Doctor proposed just one last sightseeing trip before they took Ianto back.

"Time Machine!" the Doctor kept exclaiming, and Ianto fell for it every time until suddenly, one evening, he realised that it had been weeks since he was dumped in the alien prison, since he left Cardiff, Torchwood, Jack...

"I'd really appreciate it if you could drop me home now." He said, conversationally, over a cup of tea the next morning.

Rose and the Doctor looked a little sad, as if they thought they could have kept him forever.

"I mean it." Ianto added firmly. "I want to go back to Cardiff, because if Jack misses me half as much as I miss hi... as I miss everyone, then it's probably best if I get back soon. For the safety of the city and all that."

He was relieved when they agreed, and nothing seemed better than the freezing sea wind and lashing rain as the Tardis landed by the Bay.

"I'll go by myself from here." Ianto said, and wasn't even surprised as Rose swept him up into a teary hug.

Tosh was the first to notice him arrive, the noise of the cog door opening gave him away.

The next few hours passed in a daze of hugs, pub and talk of what he'd missed until finally he was alone with Jack. And in that moment Ianto Jones knew he'd made the right decision to return, because of all the wondrous places in the universe this was where he belonged. His home.

"You were away longer than a week, weren't you?" Jack asks, as they lie together in the dark, one hand playing with the curl of hair at the nape of Ianto's neck. His hair has grown, not long enough for anyone else to notice, but Jack can tell.

"A little longer," Ianto admits, and Jack steels himself. "About three or four weeks, I think, not a full month. Time seemed to pass differently, you know. " Of course Jack knows, how could he forget how it feels to be a companion, to travel through time and space with such a being as a Time Lord?

"That's…" Jack trails off, not knowing quite what to say. Is it good, that he has only missed this short section of Ianto's life, or bad, because not even loyal, dependable, Ianto had been able to avoid the lure of the Doctor?

"But I'm back now" Ianto senses the change in Jack's mood "Did you miss me?" he asks, half teasing, half dreading a truthful answer, thinking after he's said it that he really could have picked a better question to cheer Jack up.

"Ianto," Jack starts, "I don't know how we survived without your coffee! I don't think we could have lasted a day longer!" he sighs dramatically and laughs to himself, but behind the joking words Ianto can hear what Jack really means and if it isn't 'Course I missed you like hell, just like you missed me' then he doesn't know what it is.


End file.
